Extinguishing Strife

Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife. (Proverbs 26:20-21)

Fire can be beneficial and helpful, but a fire can also be disastrous and destructive. Proverbs 26:20-21 is talking about the latter. The presence of gossip and a talebearer fuels and fans the flames of contention and strife. The opposite is also true. The absence of gossip and slander quenches the flames of discord. Getting people who stir up strife out of your life will bring about peace and harmony.

As believers, we need to cultivate discernment and wisdom in who we allow in our lives and how we talk with others. That means purposely refraining from engaging in gossip or spreading harmful rumors. Instead, let us be agents of peace, seeking to build up rather than tear down through our words and actions.

I have witnessed firsthand the destructive power of gossip and slander in fueling strife among friends, family, and colleagues. I have also experienced the power of those who decide to speak words of faith, peace, and love.

God will put you in the middle of situations that are getting heated, and the Holy Spirit will speak to you to either get out of the situation, to distance yourself from someone who keeps making fires, or to speak faith or peace into a situation to deescalate what is happening.

You have power in your speech, but so do others. That’s why it is vital to limit who you allow to be close to you.

Practical Application

Pay close attention to the words of those around you. Are most of their words complaints, gossip, and hate-filled words? If so, you need to ask the Holy Spirit if He would have you say something to help them change or should you distance yourself so you won’t get burned.

Proverbs 16:28; Proverbs 22:10

Guard Against Flattery

He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. (Proverbs 20:19)

We don’t really use the term talebearer much in our modern language. It was an old English word that meant one who is spreading gossip or is constantly revealing secrets.

Proverbs 20:19 says that this talebearer is a destructive force that decimates relationships and undermines trust. Interestingly enough, it also likens flattery to the same destructive power. Why is that? Flattery, while sounding good and feeling good on the surface, really conceals someone’s ulterior motives and seeks to manipulate and deceive.

Over the years, I have met many “flatterers.” Can you recognize them? They try to convince you that you are the best thing since sliced bread, when in actuality they are “buttering you up” so they can ask you for a special favor, make you do what they want, or try to sway you away from God’s purpose for your life.

If the people around you aren’t willing to tell you, in love, when you mess up, they are not pulling for your success.

Also, do not be quick to tell everyone about every plan, every problem, and every pursuit of your life. Those things are reserved for those who can be trusted with holding you up and pushing you toward success.

If you do not live for the praise of men, you will not die when they criticize you.

Practical Application

Make sure that, as a friend, you speak words of grace, truth, and encouragement. Build people up, don’t tear them down, and don’t speak well of people with ulterior motives. How can you sow life with your words today?

Leviticus 19:16; Proverbs 13:3

Love Bears

[Charity] Beareth all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7a)

Beareth is a term we don’t use much in our modern vernacular. What exactly does it mean to beareth those whom we say we love? In the Greek, beareth means to cover with silence. It means that, along with knowing when to say something to those you love; you are also sensitive about when NOT to speak.

Love beareth all things means if we say we love someone, we don’t talk about them behind their backs. We don’t say things to other people about them we wouldn’t say to their face. God’s love, when it is alive and working within us, should compel us to exercise discretion and restraint in our speech. It should be obvious that this includes refusing to gossip, slander, or tell untrue stories about others. Believers show love by guarding the confidence of those who confide in us.

Love, in its truest form, is resilient and unwavering, capable of continuing to stand with people when they are enduring trials, challenges, and hardships. Let us be examples of God’s love when those around us are going through life’s storms as we cover them with silence.

Practical Application

Ask yourself, “How were my words yesterday?” Will you honestly answer that question truthfully? Were you quick to engage in gossip? Was it easy to listen to someone tell a story about another? Or were you quick to stop such conversations? Did you try to end any talk that seemed to attack or be negative? Decide to be a peacemaker and change the atmosphere of a conversation by speaking words of faith, hope, and love.

Proverbs 11:13; Romans 15:1